...

i need to get away from this town. theres nothing here. if i do leave i want to go to woodstock, or LA, or maybe malta or australlia. theres so many things that are out there that ill never be able to see. the only thing thats here is an education. i know education is important but im sure they have good schools in other towns. i want to feel alive, not the same day to day routines over and over again until i die. thats no way to live. i want to see the world and be a part of it first hand, instead of reading about it in old, ripped up, written on textbooks. i cant wait to get out of here. everythings so plain and boring. i know im not going to run away, but for the next couple years im going to be anxious to be out of here, and when i finally do leave this town, well, i dont know. i have no idea what will happen, but all i know is that it wont be all the same. growing up here has had so many memories, both good and bad, i want more memories then just this small town that no ones heard of. mainly because everyone whos ever been here has never left, for example, my mom grew up here, all her sisters grew up here, her friends grew up here, her friends parents grew up here, and surprise surprise they are ALL still here. plus everyone is so alone here, it makes sense that people who feel alone would all hangout, and solveing their loneliness altogether. but no, no one here does that, instead everyone hides behind cliques and other steriotypical groups. and to be honest, those cliques DO involve hanging out with friends, and people ARE social, but with all these cliques, you have to change yourself and push yourself to be something your not. thus the loneliness. it might not be direct, like never haveing anyone to talk to, its mostly just knowing that there are so many people in this EXACT situation but them, like you, are just hiding... i love walking outside at night when the air isnt completely filled with peoples talking, perfume, cigarette smoke and other things, when its just quiet and the air actually feels and even smells like air, it makes me so happy knowing that someday ill be truely living.



* kaytee